Freedom of the Press

The History of Backyard Baseball

Freedom of the Press

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The Fans Calling for John Klimcsak to Play Another Game!??!!

6/9--YES, sports fans it is true. On June 4^th there was a riot in the stands at Slater Stadium, for the new popular 2^nd baseman John klimcsak was not on the field for this game. First the riot started with garbage of all sorts being thrown onto the field. Mathew slater was recorded saying, "Duh Big eds"... ( we believe this was as a result of a terets out break nothing to do with the actual riot>) Then 3 fans, large black men in Halperin jerseys, jumped on the field and beat Umpire Allen cener, to a bloody pulp. As they lifted the allen up he was recorded given the finger to the fan who popped his growth on his right eye. Justin his son was later recorded saying " I think he should be happy the growth was popped, it was annoying as hell." Also after the game we interviewed Jared Davis about the John Klimcsak riot, ( there were absolutely no quotes that are even worth writing in this paper that were said in that conversation.) The only thing I was able to muster from that God-awful convo was the following, Jared has no attention span, and he also is totally unaware of everything that goes on in the world around him. Eric was recorded sayng, " uhuhhhhh What riot." (Exactly eric go back to the nursing home." Rabinowitz had the most powerful words of the day though. " HEY HEY JGK< BRING HIM BACK BRING KLIM back!" Will the backyard baseball league bring Klimcsak back? We'll see next week.

--Sir John George Klimcsak Esquire of the Harold Baines

A Small Duck in a Large Pond

5/23-- Deep inside the thresholds of the Slater Stadium, there is one player who has the makings to be an all out superstar someday in the Backyard Baseball League. His name is David Rabinowitz. Despite having an estimated bat speed of approximately 8.7 mph, this kid has the monstrous power of some of the best players ever to step foot on grass. But over the last 23 months (His entire playing career), Rabinowitz has been in the worst slump ever seen in any backyard across the nation by mankind. His stats show his downfall to his game, a staggering overall .167 average as well as 2 RBI, and one must wonder maybe it is the jeans after all. After a league wide poll asking if David owned one pair of shorts, an astounding 100% of the league assumed that he did not. If he were to play baseball in the Sahara Desert, I really think that he would still wear the best pair of jeans he's got. Despite the few weaknesses of quite possibly the best pure hitter in any backyard, Rabinowitz still manages to possess an amazing amount of chemistry and enthusiasm inside of him. In fact, he even has posted a 2-0 individual record. Even on some of the best fastballs thrown by P Jared Davis right down the pipe, this kid still manages to argue that it is a ball. Does he know what baseball is? Well, obviously he does because he is a stellar performer as noted before. Making contact on the May 23^rd game a total of 2 TIMES (Both foul balls), Rabinowitz still comes to practice everyday working his butt off. Trust me though, Fantasy owners, DO NOT RELEASE DAVE FROM YOUR TEAM. After all, I'm willing to go all in with all that I have that he will make contact with a tennisball at least 4 times next game be it off of his face while catching, or being deflected by a hard hit ball. So please, vote for Dave Rabinowitz on the Dell Player of the Week voting. Oh wait, he's not eligible this week.

---Detective Eric Halperin of the Boston Post

LEAGUE LEADERS: (At least 20 AB)

Batting Average:

Homeruns: Slater--12

RBIs: Weinbaum-- 54

Wins: J. Davis-- 7

ERA: B. Davis-- 5.14

Strikeouts: J. Davis-- 98

Individual Record:

Player of the Week:

Eric Halperin: Too Old to Play A Young Man's Game?

5/24--Eric Halperin, everyone's favorite freckle-filled, black sock wearing star seems like an excellent choice for any team. He can dabble in pitching, play a solid first base, and even do a decent job in the outfield. Still, his biggest asset is his bat and unfortunately there is no DH or pinch runners in back yard baseball. His legs are a liability on the bases and in the field and his extra-slow speed is comparable to the overweight Japanese rookie Myeek Kofzki. Maybe Halperins career of stardom is beginning a slow downwards spiral. No one wants to watch another over-aged former all-star delay the inevitable. We all remember what happened to Stuart Davis. Maybe what is best for all is that Halperin considers retirement. He can help coach and have more time to spend with his newly expanded family, amongst which Poker Man is included. E-Halps, it was a good run but its time to retire. The BBL is no place for a balding veteran. Rather than drag out your career, end it sooner and retire with credibility.

--Michael Kofsky of the Associated Press

Touch Em' All

6/16--Let's just call this a progress report for all of the BBL players to hear. That's right, a paragraph by paragraph scouting report on every single member of the BBL clubhouse. Being that I am the head scout of the scouting department, I think it's about time for me to go on a spree.

Dave "Loch-ness monster" Baron, 1B - I'm sorry, but the first thing that has to be said about this kid is that he is literally a monster. Almost like the infamous "Lochness Monster", if anyone were to see him from afar, they'd be amazed. Don't let his appearance fool you though, he is extremely slow compared to the likes of an armadillo. This player is a late round draft pick at best, not for his playing ability, but for his ability to bring his team together to get ready to play. Stock: Dropping faster than he runs.

Lauren Bauer, OF - Having played only one (1) career game, this girl doesn't have much experience. The .000 batting avg. doesn't even matter though because she is indeed the first ever female to play in a game this year in the BBL. OBJ in fact played about a month ago, but she doesn't count. Keep your head up Lauren, and also keep your eye on the ball as your father Matt Slater says. Stock: Staying put where she is. (What?)

Justin "Native American Reservation" Cener, 1B/0F/P - One word to describe this kid: solid and black. Oh wait, that's three. Although many would disagree, I really do believe that he is a top 3 player in the league. He's had some strikeout problems, but when you need this kid in the clutch, he'll pull through. Definitely a first round pick for any BBL owner. Stock: Rising: Look out for this kid.

Ross Cohen, OF - Ross has only played two games, so there not much to say about him other than that he has to take some time from his family to play a few games. This player could be a valuable asset to any team. A third round pick any day. Stock: Inactive, non-existent.

Brandon "I'm crying" Davis, P - All I can say is that this kid constantly has tears in his eyes. He cries before, during, and after games no matter what. Other than that, he's a very solid pitcher. In fact, he leads the league in ERA. Probably an early second round draft pick, but all this kid needs to do is some growing up. Stock: Crying.

Jared "Boppa" Davis, P/SS - The hands down, number one player in the entire league. He goes both ways, gay or straight, offense or defense, Davis does it. With tremendous power, he constantly drives the ball to the outfield. Much like his brother though, he cries too. After one game he told me, "Ya know, whatever team I'm on, they just don't play behind me, I always have to do it by myself." Let me tell you readers one thing, read the rulebook: THERE IS NO CRYING IN BASEBALL. This is Davis' only weakness. In addition, he is a tremendous pitcher with a variety of stuff. With the first pick in the 2004 BBL draft, I select Jared Davis. Stock: Breaking the charts, may have to take a leave of absence soon due to working commitments.

Lee "Frank" Falber, 1B - This kid is Frank Thomas. Although his bat speed has gone down tremendously, Falber is a pure power hitter. Let me tell you this, if there were a DH in the BBL, this kid would be a lock for the spot. After all, his dad's favorite player is DH Edgar Martinez. Falber is a fourth rounder at best, but he is a strong disciplinarian on any team. Stock: Dropping, currently on assignment in the minors.

Joe Gesualdi, C - Bowne Munro's own, Joe Gesualdi. Great hitter, extraordinary defensive backstop. He is an all around team player. In my opinion, he is the next Jackie Robinson. Like Robinson, Gesualdi plays football, track, and baseball. What an athlete. I'd say a late first round pick any day. Everyone will remember the famous home plate tag out by Gesualdi assisted by Klimsack. Stock: Inactive.

Eric "Old" Halperin, C/1B/OF - Inconsistent. When Halperin first started out, he was an all star in the making. The first week of the new season he tore it up, winning player of the week. Ever since then, he has fell off the face of the earth. He can't hit, and he has trouble staying focused on the field. If catcher was a true position in the league, he'd no doubt win the gold glove award. Other than that, he used to be a first round pick, but now probably a third round pick at best. Rumors about retirement are starting to come up due to this kid's age, and if this does indeed happen, he plans on going up the booth to commentate some games. Stock: Falling, muscles are deteriorating.

Kevin Kirby, OF - My only comment on this kid is that he should only be involved with the game from the seats, not the field. Not enough talent to break the majors, a sure un-drafted free agent. Stock: What stock?

John Klimsack, OF/1B - A great addition to any clubhouse. Never in an unhappy mood, Klimsack's mouth does the talking for his play. Lately he is having trouble with his bat control, and his average is soaring down. Maybe Klimsack is better fit for writing articles on the website, and not playing on the field. A sixth round pick at best. Stock: Neutral.

Mike Kofsky, OF/Commentator - Two words, broken toe. We can blame this all on Jared Davis. Even ask Kofsky's mother, she said, "I know Jared, he did this to my son, and I want him to pay for this." There are rumors that Justin Cener may have committed the crime but it doesn't matter if he did, it's just so funny and easy to blame it on Jared Davis. Any who, involved in rumors along with Eric Halperin about regressing to the commentary booth, Kofsky has assured anyone that his black toe will not stunt his playing career. Even though he looks like he's drank 15 bottles of beers a day for the past 10 years of his life, Kofsky is staying strong. A borderline free agent. Stock: Falling, 15-Day DL, signs of homosexuality.

Nick Myers, P/SS - A pure power pitcher, hitter, and fielder. He has better stuff than P Jared Davis, but is much less accurate. He has great experience, and motivates his teammates. A future hall of famer if he stays active. A definite first round pick. Stock: Rising.

Dave "Curious" Rabinowitz, P/1B - See "A small duck in a large pond" article for all of the information. Stock: Zero.

Matt "Playa Hata" Slater, P/OF/Softball Dad - In my opinion, a Top 3 player in the league. Great hitting ability, solid defense, and he is even a father. Despite some contact problems, Slater leads the league in many categories. A no brainer for any team in any draft. Stock: At the top of the pedestal.

Eric "Babe" Struening, OF/P - A quiet, but productive player. He jumps on any opportunity given to him, and he shows some ability of past players like Babe Ruth. He has the top batting average in the league, but it seems like he can care less whether he wins or loses. Late first rounder. Stock: Slowly rising.

Charlie "Wild" Wachtel, P/SS - He has officially overtaken Eric Halperin as being wild. Responsible for the first ever fine in BBL history, ($5.50) HE IS WIAAAALD. Not only did he throw a hose, but he also threw a base at the innocent bystander Scott Weinbaum. I compare this kid to former MLB player John Rocker. Wachtel is psychotic and possessed. I would warn any BBL owner to watch out for him, he has serious disciplinary problems. Fifth rounder in every mock draft I've seen so far. Stock: Sent to Anger Management programs, taking leave of absence.

Howie Wachtel, OF/P - All I can say about him is that he is a very good choice at the lead off position and he plays a quick outfield. I recommend you to never put him at the pitching slot though, he throws those balls up to the hitter like it's the EBBL. A fifth rounder like his brother. Stock: Rising, but will he ever play again?

Scott "Dynasty" Weinbaum, P/OF/3B/C/UT - One word to describe this kid's hitting ability: Wow. Despite a bench-clearing brawl that involved him and Charlie Wachtel, Weinbaum is the #2 player in the league as far as stats go. A few weeks ago it was said that he had some issues with crying, but those have been handed over to the Davis family. A definite top 5 pick in any mock draft. Stock: Watch out.

--Eric Halperin, Head Scout of the BBL

Rabin-O-"Nill"

5/23--When one looks at the stats of the early Backyard Baseball League, they cannot help but notice the standout players, Eric Halperin, Jared Davis, and Scott Weinbaum have showed impressive early numbers and talks have already begun about MVP nominations. However, when one looks at these same stats, they cannot help but notice one other thing...The lack of production off of the bat of David Rabinowitz. Rabinowitz, a mere 2/12 with 2 RBI in his first two games has shown little to no promise as a pitcher, power hitter, or much of anything else. This a warning to all fantasy team owners. DROP RABINOWITZ BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!

--Reporter S.M. Weinbaum of the Baltimore Chronicle

Forgotton Hero

5/31-- As darkness engulfed Weinbaum Waterfronts, and the shadow of night covered the field, one man stood tall under the light of the moon. With the brim of his hat concealing his determined eyes, David M. Rabinowitz let the ball fly from his long, thin, skeleton-like arms. Despite the weary and complaining players, David's tenacity barred him from giving anything less than his best. Bystander Barry Weinbaum recalls, "wow, those pitches were going at least 95 miles/hour."

The underated first baseman, after getting alot of heat from teamates for not keeping his foot on the bag, demonstrated his hidden talent: pitching. "Poor visibiltity was just an excuse!" says Matthew Slater, "this kids got it."

David's cosmic performance was displayed in the bottom of the second inning. Threatening to increase their already developed lead, Ross Cohen missed three beatifully pitched balls as David recorded his first strikeout....ever. Ross, who had already had an outstanding game against righty Scott W., stared in disbelief as did David as well.

Unfortunately, the game was called after this incredible display of athletesism, due to the pitch black field. Thus, David's amazing performance was not recorded and it only lives on through the lucky souls who were able to witness this miracle.

--Ross A. Cohen, Senior Editior of the New York Times

5/23--Bottom of the ninth. One man out and bases juiced. Scott Weinbaum is in a jam. Another base-hit and Wachtel's heading for home. But wait? Weinbaum's blocking his path. Wachtel plows right threw Weinbaum in a desperate effort to cut the lead to eight! Right after this, Weinbaum threw his glove in frustration and hit Wachtel. A clash resulted along with a few acrimonious marks throughout. Nobody was injured. However, the conduct demonstrated by Weinbaum was uncalled for and The Committee is currently coming up with an appropriate penalty. Not just a reprimand...

--Charles Wachtel of the BB times